10 Steps to Eliminating Resentment (Dislike/Anger) in Your Day

Most of us have experienced some level of resentment at one point or another in our lives. Resentment can spiral out of control, fester and begin to take over our thoughts, actions and even our well-being. Resentment can overwhelm our innate sense of joy and ease. How can we overcome these feelings and regain contentment and peace of mind? Here are 10 steps to help control the downward spiral of resentment.

1. Understand what resentment is. Resentment can show up as bitterness over the perception of being treated unfairly. It can manifest through jealousy, anger, hatred and resentment. It is important to understand that resentment is all about you. It is your emotion.

2. Once you have identified that dark, bitter feeling that begins to grow from within, call yourself out on it. Ask yourself, “What is this ugliness I am feeling?” Look at it.  Examine it.  Roll it over in your mind. Acknowledge your feelings.

3. Ask “Why?” What caused you to feel this way? Did this come from jealousy? Do you believe you have been wronged in some way? Do you have a sense of righteousness about your feelings? Recognize the trigger for your feelings.

4. Understand that only you can control your feelings. The feelings associated with resentment set off a negative chain of reactions in your mind and body that can damage your relationships at home, at work and even your health. Once you understand that you are experiencing resentment and why, you can begin to take ownership of your feelings rather than project them on to another person or situation. Taking ownership puts you back in control.

5. Prepare to be rid of resentment. In the emotion of resentment, you are having a conversation with yourself. Now is the time to change the conversation. Using tools such as those offered by Newberg and Waldmen from Words Can Change Your Brain (2012); take time to slow your breathing, begin to relax the muscles in your face, neck and shoulders. Deepen your breath. Try to yawn a time or two. Begin to sigh through your exhale, noticing the vibration of the sound in your chest. This allows you to relax and focus your brain, as well as release the tension caused by your emotion.

6. Imagine the voice that keeps playing in your head. Who is doing the talking? Ask yourself, “Is this who I am?” “Is this my innermost value?” No. It is not. Now identify your deepest value. Is it happiness? Peace? Compassion?

7. Remember that your true self is essentially the energy of love. Try to remember a time when you experienced yourself as love. If you have trouble finding that memory, look for that part of you that identified your innermost value. Recognize that quality in yourself.

8. Now that you have rediscovered this part of your self, look for these qualities in your environment. Find the beauty around you everywhere you look; perhaps a smiling face, a flowering plant, a busy squirrel, a contented pet. Acknowledge this beauty in your life. Find gratitude in the joy you are experiencing and your ability to recognize it.

9. Offer this expression of beauty, life, and happiness to others. Consider the feelings of others. A simple gesture will do: A smile, opening a door for a stranger, offering your seat on the bus, or letting a driver into a crowded lane. By putting your negativity aside, you open the gates for goodness to flow through you. Your emotions and your spirit spiral upward.

10. When circumstances arise in which you find your emotions leading down the path of resentment, recognize that you are exactly where you are meant to be in this moment. You are on your own path and you have the ability to choose the higher ground. Using these steps will help you reclaim your peace of mind and find compassion in the situation. Ultimately, your inner peace and well-being will hinge on your ability to forgive. Let go and let love express through you.

How Many Stages Are There in a Romantic Relationship?

We have all been exposed over and over to romantic stories from movies and television, and the story always ends when the romantic partners finally get together and live happily ever after. In actuality, this is when the real relationship story begins. There are several stages that relationships go through over time, but most of us want the happily ever after — and believe our relationship should be easy. This is a myth. Satisfying, mature, relationships happen when both people work hard to maintain a sense of safety with each other.

According to Stan Tatkin PhD, there are a few stages in love relationships. These stages will help you identify where you are in the development of your own relationship. All three involve very different emotional states, so they require an adjustment with each transition.

The 3 Love Relationship Stages:

1. Romantic Love

You are driven in this stage to idealize your potential partner. You experience the emotions of joy and excitement. The novelty of a new love leads you to think about your partner day and night, imagining all the possibilities of how this person can fulfill your deepest desires. You want to spend every moment of every day with your new partner in the bliss of newly discovered love.

Here, you should remember the saying, “If it’s too good to be true it usually is.” There’s a reason for this adage. In this stage of romance, your brain is not able to access and incorporate red flags, or flaws in your potential partner. You only see their potential and how you feel when you are with them. Your brain is literally addicted to the feeling of being in love. In this stage, you biologically lose your brain’s prefrontal lobes’ (the thinking and logical part of the brain) ability to reason.

Romantic love is the fodder of Hollywood movies and stories. Romantic love sells, and we can’t get enough of it. But media representations of these stories give a false sense of what a relationship should look like, and set us up for disappointment in real relationships.

2. Realistic Love

As a counselor, I hear the same story over and over, “Our relationship is not easy or fun anymore.” This is the beginning of the second stage of love relationships, which is realistic love. It is most often in this stage that people get stuck. Idealization of your partner diminishes and you begin to see who your partner really is — and they begin to see you. All your flaws are exposed to each other and it is here when couples start really being challenged in the relationship.

It is in this stage where couples either make it or break it. The time frame for this stage varies wildly. Some relationships are ditched immediately, others endure bickering and unmet needs for many years. If you only believe in romantic love, your bubble will undoubtedly be burst in this stage. You will begin to feel cheated, or that you “settled” for a partner who is not the person you fell in love with. You will begin to feel resentful, and resort to blaming your partner for your unmet needs. Thus starts a cycle of blaming, hurt and despair. If you feel this is you, contact a marriage counselor sooner rather than later.

In my experience, couples wait too long to seek counseling. They live for years with blame, resentment and hurt before they seek help. Sometimes one partner is doing all the work to keep the relationship together and ultimately this strategy results in feeling depleted and frustrated. Eventually the depleted partner will decide they are totally done, and their partner will be surprised when the relationship ends. Some partners will step up to the plate and begin giving to the relationship when they realize they can no longer just take from it.

There is a healthy way to transition through this stage of realistic love relationship and move to a more mutually safe and secure functioning. I encourage any couple that recognizes they are living with negative patterns of behavior to get help with their relationship. This help will involve learning about yourself and your partner at a fundamentally deeper level. Find out what your unmet needs are, and work to feed your partner’s unmet needs too.

3. Mature Love

This stage is marked by safety and security in the relationship. Both people feel fulfilled and cared for by the other person. Isn’t that what you want and desire? The only way to obtain mature love is to work through the previous stages: there are no shortcuts. In this stage you and your partner know each other at a deep and intrinsic level. You know your own desires and wounds, and you choose to accept your partner’s desires and wounds in turn. In other words, you have each other’s backs — for better or worse.

Every one is human and makes mistakes. Each stage of love is wrought with mistakes; the important thing is that the two of you commit to working through the mistakes and build safety together. In this stage, love is an action and a feeling word. No longer worried about losing the relationship, you can experience this type of love as safe, satisfying and passionate.

Share your views.

When a Best Friend Is Better than a Boyfriend

When looking for love, there’s no better training ground than having a best friend; it’s in a relationship with a best friend that we can learn about love and get the skills we need to be someone’s partner for life.

Women have argued with me that because they presently don’t have a boyfriend, they can’t work on their relationship skills. They feel they have to have a man in their lives to practice on. While having a man to work out our “stuff” with is helpful, it’s really best if we take care of it BEFORE we get involved in a romance. But many of us believe that a relationship with a boyfriend is different than our other relationships and therefore we can’t do that. That’s not entirely true.

Let’s look at some common areas where we may need help before we meet “the one.” Many of us deal with the fear of abandonment, the inability to speak up for ourselves, or the tendency to give too much of ourselves in a relationship. If we “work” on these issues with our boyfriend or a man we’ve just started dating, they can be a barrier to love. And this will be multiplied if the man has many of his own problems to work out as well.

When we don’t do the work before we meet the guy, our relationships will have a lot of ups and downs — and a lot of drama.

So doesn’t it seem much better to learn the skills we’ll need to have a long lasting relationship from a best friend? Of course it does, and this is how they can teach us about love.
I think we can agree that with our best friends we’re less judgmental, more forgiving and more flexible than we are in our love lives. This is in part because we don’t feel we have as much at stake, but really we do. How we treat anyone in our lives has everything to do with our ability to love.

Here are three ways our best friends can help us with our boyfriends:
1. We can learn better communication skills: we can practice being more truthful and authentic because we know they value us and they easily accept who we are.

2. We can learn to “let go” with a best friend and not be so clingy. We can lessen the fear that just because someone isn’t always around, it doesn’t mean they don’t love us.

3. We can learn to be more accepting, because God knows, our friends are not like us. They do things we’d never do, say things we’d never say and think things we’d never think. Yet, we accept these things and don’t try to change them. We actually enjoy their “foibles” and don’t take them personally.

We’ll never completely get over all of our fears and problems, but we will be able to lessen them so they show up less often. Then instead of wasting time in the ups and downs and drama, we’ll be using the time for what we really want — for love.

Share your views.

MARTYRDOOM OF THE 12 DISCIPLES

Martyrdom is usually defined as:

The suffering of death on account of adherence to a faith, or to any cause; affliction, torment, torture.

The concept of martyrdom is well known in the history of religion and oppressed minorities. In the ancient world, for example, many Christians were cruelly tortured and killed by the Roman rulers just for being Christians. Those who maintained their faith despite the pain of death would then be designated martyrs (literally, witnesses) by fellow believers.

Summary:  The Bible only mentions the deaths of two apostles, James who was put to death by Herod Agrippa I in 44 AD and Judas Iscariot who committed suicide shortly after the death of Christ.    The details of the deaths of three of the apostles (John, the Beloved, Bartholomew and Simon the Canaanite) are not known at all, either by tradition or early historians. The deaths of the other seven apostles are known by tradition or the writings of early Christian historians.  According to traditions and the Bible, eight of the Apostles died as Martyrs.  At least two of the Apostles, Peter and Andrew were crucified.

Simon surnamed Peter  died 33-34 years after the death of Christ.  According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary there is “satisfactory evidence that he and Paul were the founders of the church at Rome, and died in that city. The time and manner of the apostle’s martyrdom are less certain. According to the early writers, he died at or about the same time with Paul, and in the Neronian persecution, A.D. 67,68. All agree that he was crucified. Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.”
 

James the son of Zebedee:  He was put to death by Herod Agrippa I  shortly before the day of the Passover, in the year 44 or about 11 years after the death of Christ.  From Acts 12: 1-2.

 

John: No death date given by early writers.  Death date is by conjecture only and is variously assigned as being between 89 AD to 120 AD

Andrew:  No accurate death date given. A variety of traditions say he preached in Scythia, in Greece, in Asia Minor and Thrace.  He is reported to have been crucified at Patrae in Achaia.

 

Philip:  Again, the Bible does not say when he died nor do we have accurate information.  According to tradition he preached in Phrygia, and died at Hierapolis. Update: FoxNews July 27, 2011 Tomb of the Apostle Phillip is found in Hierapolis.

 

Bartholomew: There is no information concerning his death, not even by tradition

 

Matthew: He must have lived many years as an apostle, since he was the author of the Gospel of Matthew which was written at least twenty years after the death of Christ. There is reason to believe that he stayed for fifteen years at Jerusalem, after which he went as missionary to the Persians, Parthians and Medes. There is a legend that he died a martyr in Ethiopia.

 

Thomas: The earlier traditions, as believed in the fourth century, say he preached in Parthia or Persia, and was finally buried at Edessa. The later traditions carry him farther east.   His martyrdom whether in Persia or India, is said to have been by a lance, and is commemorated by the Latin Church on December 21 the Greek Church on October 6, and by the Indians on July 1.

 

James Alpheus : We know he lived at least five years after the death of Christ because of mentions in the Bible.  According to tradition, James son of Alpheus was thrown down from the temple by the scribes and Pharisees; he was then stoned, and his brains dashed out with a fuller’s club.

 

 

Simon the Canaanite – No information either in the Bible or by tradition.

Jude (Thaddeus): according to tradition Jude taught in Armenia, Syria and Persia where he was martyred. Tradition tells us he was buried in Kara Kalisa in what is now Iran.

 

Judas Iscariot: Shortly after the death of Christ Judas killed himself. According to the Bible he hanged himself, (Matthew 27:5) at Aceldama, on the southern slope of the valley of Hinnom, near Jerusalem, and in the act he fell down a precipice and was dashed into pieces.

TABLE OF SUMMARY

Simon Peter	crucified upside down
Andrew	crucified. Peter’s brother.
James	beheaded
John	exiled, died of old age (brother of James)
Matthew	speared to death
Bartholomew	beaten then crucified. (aka Nathanael)
Philip	crucified
Thomas	speared to death
Simon	crucified, the zealot
James	stoned to death
Thaddaeus	stoned to death. (aka Judas son of James)
Judas Iscariot	suicide by hanging --> Matthias replaced Judas (Acts 1:26)

 

Summary:  The Bible only mentions the deaths of two apostles, James who was put to death by Herod Agrippa I in 44 AD and Judas Iscariot who committed suicide shortly after the death of Christ.    The details of the deaths of three of the apostles (John, the Beloved, Bartholomew and Simon the Canaanite) are not known at all, either by tradition or early historians. The deaths of the other seven apostles are known by tradition or the writings of early Christian historians.  According to traditions and the Bible, eight of the Apostles died as Martyrs.  At least two of the Apostles, Peter and Andrew were crucified.

Simon surnamed Peter  died 33-34 years after the death of Christ.  According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary there is “satisfactory evidence that he and Paul were the founders of the church at Rome, and died in that city. The time and manner of the apostle’s martyrdom are less certain. According to the early writers, he died at or about the same time with Paul, and in the Neronian persecution, A.D. 67,68. All agree that he was crucified. Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.”
James the son of Zebedee:  He was put to death by Herod Agrippa I  shortly before the day of the Passover, in the year 44 or about 11 years after the death of Christ.  From Acts 12: 1-2.
John: No death date given by early writers.  Death date is by conjecture only and is variously assigned as being between 89 AD to 120 AD
Andrew:  No accurate death date given. A variety of traditions say he preached in Scythia, in Greece, in Asia Minor and Thrace.  He is reported to have been crucified at Patrae in Achaia.
Philip:  Again, the Bible does not say when he died nor do we have accurate information.  According to tradition he preached in Phrygia, and died at Hierapolis. Update: FoxNews July 27, 2011 Tomb of the Apostle Phillip is found in Hierapolis.
Bartholomew: There is no information concerning his death, not even by tradition
Matthew: He must have lived many years as an apostle, since he was the author of the Gospel of Matthew which was written at least twenty years after the death of Christ. There is reason to believe that he stayed for fifteen years at Jerusalem, after which he went as missionary to the Persians, Parthians and Medes. There is a legend that he died a martyr in Ethiopia.
Thomas: The earlier traditions, as believed in the fourth century, say he preached in Parthia or Persia, and was finally buried at Edessa. The later traditions carry him farther east.   His martyrdom whether in Persia or India, is said to have been by a lance, and is commemorated by the Latin Church on December 21 the Greek Church on October 6, and by the Indians on July 1.
James Alpheus : We know he lived at least five years after the death of Christ because of mentions in the Bible.  According to tradition, James son of Alpheus was thrown down from the temple by the scribes and Pharisees; he was then stoned, and his brains dashed out with a fuller’s club.
Simon the Canaanite – No information either in the Bible or by tradition.
Jude (Thaddeus): according to tradition Jude taught in Armenia, Syria and Persia where he was martyred.  Tradition tells us he was buried in Kara Kalisa in what is now Iran.
Judas Iscariot: Shortly after the death of Christ Judas killed himself. According to the Bible he hanged himself, (Matthew 27:5) at Aceldama, on the southern slope of the valley of Hinnom, near Jerusalem, and in the act he fell down a precipice and was dashed into pieces.
- See more at: http://amazingbibletimeline.com/bible_questions/q6_apostles_die/#sthash.MWd5vVIX.dpuf

Summary:  The Bible only mentions the deaths of two apostles, James who was put to death by Herod Agrippa I in 44 AD and Judas Iscariot who committed suicide shortly after the death of Christ.    The details of the deaths of three of the apostles (John, the Beloved, Bartholomew and Simon the Canaanite) are not known at all, either by tradition or early historians. The deaths of the other seven apostles are known by tradition or the writings of early Christian historians.  According to traditions and the Bible, eight of the Apostles died as Martyrs.  At least two of the Apostles, Peter and Andrew were crucified.

Simon surnamed Peter  died 33-34 years after the death of Christ.  According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary there is “satisfactory evidence that he and Paul were the founders of the church at Rome, and died in that city. The time and manner of the apostle’s martyrdom are less certain. According to the early writers, he died at or about the same time with Paul, and in the Neronian persecution, A.D. 67,68. All agree that he was crucified. Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.”
James the son of Zebedee:  He was put to death by Herod Agrippa I  shortly before the day of the Passover, in the year 44 or about 11 years after the death of Christ.  From Acts 12: 1-2.
John: No death date given by early writers.  Death date is by conjecture only and is variously assigned as being between 89 AD to 120 AD
Andrew:  No accurate death date given. A variety of traditions say he preached in Scythia, in Greece, in Asia Minor and Thrace.  He is reported to have been crucified at Patrae in Achaia.
Philip:  Again, the Bible does not say when he died nor do we have accurate information.  According to tradition he preached in Phrygia, and died at Hierapolis. Update: FoxNews July 27, 2011 Tomb of the Apostle Phillip is found in Hierapolis.
Bartholomew: There is no information concerning his death, not even by tradition
Matthew: He must have lived many years as an apostle, since he was the author of the Gospel of Matthew which was written at least twenty years after the death of Christ. There is reason to believe that he stayed for fifteen years at Jerusalem, after which he went as missionary to the Persians, Parthians and Medes. There is a legend that he died a martyr in Ethiopia.
Thomas: The earlier traditions, as believed in the fourth century, say he preached in Parthia or Persia, and was finally buried at Edessa. The later traditions carry him farther east.   His martyrdom whether in Persia or India, is said to have been by a lance, and is commemorated by the Latin Church on December 21 the Greek Church on October 6, and by the Indians on July 1.
James Alpheus : We know he lived at least five years after the death of Christ because of mentions in the Bible.  According to tradition, James son of Alpheus was thrown down from the temple by the scribes and Pharisees; he was then stoned, and his brains dashed out with a fuller’s club.
Simon the Canaanite – No information either in the Bible or by tradition.
Jude (Thaddeus): according to tradition Jude taught in Armenia, Syria and Persia where he was martyred.  Tradition tells us he was buried in Kara Kalisa in what is now Iran.
Judas Iscariot: Shortly after the death of Christ Judas killed himself. According to the Bible he hanged himself, (Matthew 27:5) at Aceldama, on the southern slope of the valley of Hinnom, near Jerusalem, and in the act he fell down a precipice and was dashed into pieces.
- See more at: http://amazingbibletimeline.com/bible_questions/q6_apostles_die/#sthash.xcXngBZ2.dpuf

Summary:  The Bible only mentions the deaths of two apostles, James who was put to death by Herod Agrippa I in 44 AD and Judas Iscariot who committed suicide shortly after the death of Christ.    The details of the deaths of three of the apostles (John, the Beloved, Bartholomew and Simon the Canaanite) are not known at all, either by tradition or early historians. The deaths of the other seven apostles are known by tradition or the writings of early Christian historians.  According to traditions and the Bible, eight of the Apostles died as Martyrs.  At least two of the Apostles, Peter and Andrew were crucified.

Simon surnamed Peter  died 33-34 years after the death of Christ.  According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary there is “satisfactory evidence that he and Paul were the founders of the church at Rome, and died in that city. The time and manner of the apostle’s martyrdom are less certain. According to the early writers, he died at or about the same time with Paul, and in the Neronian persecution, A.D. 67,68. All agree that he was crucified. Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.”
James the son of Zebedee:  He was put to death by Herod Agrippa I  shortly before the day of the Passover, in the year 44 or about 11 years after the death of Christ.  From Acts 12: 1-2.
John: No death date given by early writers.  Death date is by conjecture only and is variously assigned as being between 89 AD to 120 AD
Andrew:  No accurate death date given. A variety of traditions say he preached in Scythia, in Greece, in Asia Minor and Thrace.  He is reported to have been crucified at Patrae in Achaia.
Philip:  Again, the Bible does not say when he died nor do we have accurate information.  According to tradition he preached in Phrygia, and died at Hierapolis. Update: FoxNews July 27, 2011 Tomb of the Apostle Phillip is found in Hierapolis.
Bartholomew: There is no information concerning his death, not even by tradition
Matthew: He must have lived many years as an apostle, since he was the author of the Gospel of Matthew which was written at least twenty years after the death of Christ. There is reason to believe that he stayed for fifteen years at Jerusalem, after which he went as missionary to the Persians, Parthians and Medes. There is a legend that he died a martyr in Ethiopia.
Thomas: The earlier traditions, as believed in the fourth century, say he preached in Parthia or Persia, and was finally buried at Edessa. The later traditions carry him farther east.   His martyrdom whether in Persia or India, is said to have been by a lance, and is commemorated by the Latin Church on December 21 the Greek Church on October 6, and by the Indians on July 1.
James Alpheus : We know he lived at least five years after the death of Christ because of mentions in the Bible.  According to tradition, James son of Alpheus was thrown down from the temple by the scribes and Pharisees; he was then stoned, and his brains dashed out with a fuller’s club.
Simon the Canaanite – No information either in the Bible or by tradition.
Jude (Thaddeus): according to tradition Jude taught in Armenia, Syria and Persia where he was martyred.  Tradition tells us he was buried in Kara Kalisa in what is now Iran.
Judas Iscariot: Shortly after the death of Christ Judas killed himself. According to the Bible he hanged himself, (Matthew 27:5) at Aceldama, on the southern slope of the valley of Hinnom, near Jerusalem, and in the act he fell down a precipice and was dashed into pieces.
- See more at: http://amazingbibletimeline.com/bible_questions/q6_apostles_die/#sthash.xcXngBZ2.dpuf

Summary:  The Bible only mentions the deaths of two apostles, James who was put to death by Herod Agrippa I in 44 AD and Judas Iscariot who committed suicide shortly after the death of Christ.    The details of the deaths of three of the apostles (John, the Beloved, Bartholomew and Simon the Canaanite) are not known at all, either by tradition or early historians. The deaths of the other seven apostles are known by tradition or the writings of early Christian historians.  According to traditions and the Bible, eight of the Apostles died as Martyrs.  At least two of the Apostles, Peter and Andrew were crucified.

Simon surnamed Peter  died 33-34 years after the death of Christ.  According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary there is “satisfactory evidence that he and Paul were the founders of the church at Rome, and died in that city. The time and manner of the apostle’s martyrdom are less certain. According to the early writers, he died at or about the same time with Paul, and in the Neronian persecution, A.D. 67,68. All agree that he was crucified. Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.”
James the son of Zebedee:  He was put to death by Herod Agrippa I  shortly before the day of the Passover, in the year 44 or about 11 years after the death of Christ.  From Acts 12: 1-2.
John: No death date given by early writers.  Death date is by conjecture only and is variously assigned as being between 89 AD to 120 AD
Andrew:  No accurate death date given. A variety of traditions say he preached in Scythia, in Greece, in Asia Minor and Thrace.  He is reported to have been crucified at Patrae in Achaia.
Philip:  Again, the Bible does not say when he died nor do we have accurate information.  According to tradition he preached in Phrygia, and died at Hierapolis. Update: FoxNews July 27, 2011 Tomb of the Apostle Phillip is found in Hierapolis.
Bartholomew: There is no information concerning his death, not even by tradition
Matthew: He must have lived many years as an apostle, since he was the author of the Gospel of Matthew which was written at least twenty years after the death of Christ. There is reason to believe that he stayed for fifteen years at Jerusalem, after which he went as missionary to the Persians, Parthians and Medes. There is a legend that he died a martyr in Ethiopia.
Thomas: The earlier traditions, as believed in the fourth century, say he preached in Parthia or Persia, and was finally buried at Edessa. The later traditions carry him farther east.   His martyrdom whether in Persia or India, is said to have been by a lance, and is commemorated by the Latin Church on December 21 the Greek Church on October 6, and by the Indians on July 1.
James Alpheus : We know he lived at least five years after the death of Christ because of mentions in the Bible.  According to tradition, James son of Alpheus was thrown down from the temple by the scribes and Pharisees; he was then stoned, and his brains dashed out with a fuller’s club.
Simon the Canaanite – No information either in the Bible or by tradition.
Jude (Thaddeus): according to tradition Jude taught in Armenia, Syria and Persia where he was martyred.  Tradition tells us he was buried in Kara Kalisa in what is now Iran.
Judas Iscariot: Shortly after the death of Christ Judas killed himself. According to the Bible he hanged himself, (Matthew 27:5) at Aceldama, on the southern slope of the valley of Hinnom, near Jerusalem, and in the act he fell down a precipice and was dashed into pieces.
- See more at: http://amazingbibletimeline.com/bible_questions/q6_apostles_die/#sthash.xcXngBZ2.dpuf